Well let me introduce myself. I'm 23 years and this is technically my 2nd pregnancy, my first pregnancy resulted in a very sad miscarriage at 6 weeks in February 2010. But now we are nearly a year on and I am now 8 weeks pregnant.
As any new pregnancy, any expectant mum naturally worries. But I will have to say, now I know that a miscarriage can happen and is very REAL. It does make me extra sensitive. If I am going to be honest, a part of me, hasn't yet fully allowed myself to come to terms with my pregnancy. To avoid any heart ache or pain, I haven't allowed a positive pregnancy test - in fact lets rephrase that. 3 positive pregnancy tests, to convince me that I am actually pregnant.
Yes maybe I am being ridicules, but I can't help but think, I may not even be pregnant because I haven't seen my baby yet. I hope I am not the only one who is this paranoid. But I just can't help it. Each week that has passed, I 'come up' with a possible problem with my pregnancy, or a 'reason' to why I may not actually get to experience the full course of my pregnancy. Maybe I have been reading too many pregnancy horror stories. But each week never the less, there has been something new and irrational. I guess I don't want anything to surprise or shock me, so if i suspect the worse, anything good is a positive.
Week 4 - Oh my I could be pregnant, but oh no of course it won't work out as I have been drinking all over Christmas.
Week 5 - Oh no I have eaten Brie, that must be 'it' now.
Week 6 - I am being sick and my bowel's are rather loose. I have slight niggling pains in my left side. I must be having an ectopic pregnancy.
Week 7 - I have stopped being sick and the left side of my womb is fairly solid. I have a bump. But this can't be right as you can't have a baby pouch at 7 and why is it wonky. This must be gas in my womb, there must be something wrong.
Week 8 - I have pain in my right shoulder - again I must be experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.
I know what your thinking. Hypochondriac. I know I am being entirely irrational. But I am so concerned. Admittedly me short lived previous pregnancy did not feel the same as this and I definitely feel 'more pregnant' this time round. But I can't seem to stop my imagination from running wild and its doing a fine job of it.
I just hope everything is fine though. I am sure we all think in the way I am at some point through our pregnancy, but we may not all air our thoughts, let a lone to our partners, but certainly not to the world.
So I guess I shall stop here. My pregnancy rant is over. Now lets turn to the positives.
I am 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant! I am starting to allow myself to smile a little bit now! I kept thinking 'If I make it past 6 weeks, then I am doing better than I did last time and I will allow myself to be happy' But I am 2 weeks past that now!
My goodness, my dreams. They are all so vivid and strange at the moment, but I have heard that this is totally normal. I often bring my pregnancy in to one of my dreams each night. I say one of my dreams, because I do tend to wake up a few times a night at the moment. I guess maybe this is because my body is so busy at the moment, that it doesn't really fully switch off.
My head is definitely a mush of pregnancy. I have the official pregnancy brain. Everything I do in the day, somehow comes back to me being pregnant. Anything that anyone says I relate to my pregnancy. I do hope this will pass.
I have my first appointment with my Doctor on Tuesday. I am looking forward to this, but I am also fully aware that this is only the first step to eventually getting to see my baby. I'm still a little way away from eventually being able to allow my self to believe that I AM pregnant and I AM going to be having this baby.
So I think I'll bring my first post to an end now. Wish me luck!!
